I'd miss you babe

The other day, Ryan and Ryland were looking at their baby pictures. They both love going through our photo albums. Ryland came across this photo when he was 11 months old. He asked, “Mommy, did you throw away this carpet?” He was referring to the area rug that used to be in our TV room, which is now also my workstation. This rug had pictures of roads and streets and this was where he played with his toy cars, mostly the Hotwheels ones. I said, “Yes, I threw it away a long time ago. You spilled your milk and juice on it, and also vomited on it a lot of times.” Ryland said, “Oh yeah, I remember. That was my favourite carpet. I miss it.” Then I said, “I miss him,” pointing at his picture.

Last night, Ryland and I were lying on the bed just having one of our bonding moment. He was lying across my stomach.

Me: Come here beside me. You’re heavy. You’re squishing my jelly belly.

Ryland: Because you’re fat.

Me: Hey, I’m not fat. Do you think I’m fat?

Ryland: No, I’m just kidding.

Then he named people who he thought were fat. I’m not gonna mention them.

Me: You’re just too heavy for me now. I miss my baby. Where did my baby go?

Ryland: I grew into a child.

I couldn’t help but chuckle.

Me: Yeah, you did. You are now my little boy.

Don’t grow up too fast little boy.

Sometimes at church, he gets bored and he would hold on to my hand or hug my tummy. Until about three or four years ago, I would carry one of my children during mass and I would rock him to and fro while singing along to the songs. Nowadays, I find it silly when I rock to and fro to the songs without carrying any child. When they were little, I couldn’t wait for them to grow up so that I wouldn’t have to carry their heavy bodies. It had been hard on my back. I now miss that. And you bet that I’m gonna hold on to Ryland’s hand and hug him so long as he will let me.

I could stay awake just to hear you breathing
Watch you smile while you are sleeping
Far away and dreaming
I could spend my life in this sweet surrender
I could stay lost in this moment forever
Well, every moment spent with you
Is a moment I treasure

I don't wanna close my eyes
I don't wanna fall asleep
'Cause I'd miss you, babe
And I don't wanna miss a thing
'Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream will never do
I'd still miss you, babe
And I don't wanna miss a thing

Excerpt from I Don't Wanna Miss A Thing by Aerosmith